#FeelMilan

The Manager

Gary Henderson

Chairman, founder, former manager, current manager, former striker, former left midfielder, former treasurer, current treasurer, sometimes midfielder, attention seeking, friends could do better.

Appearances: 45, Goals: 4

Goalkeeper

Danny

Thomson

Genuinely insane. Looks like a nutter. Acts like a nutter. Tends goal like a nutter. Nutter. Loves a penalty save.

 

Committee POTY 2014/2015

Appearances: 32, Goals:0

Defenders

Jordan

Kane

The Big Red Machine, brothers with the Undertaker, 2x WWE World Champion, unmasked then re-masked. Plays Centre Half or Full Back. Finisher: Chokeslam.

Appearances: 45, Goals: 6

Callum Macdonald

Ginge, sculpted from the body of a pale god, former referee and now Milan stalwhart. Can't keep his eyes open for a photograph.

Appearances: 31, Goals: 0

Garry

Smith

Don't know much about him apart from he's a farmer. Seems nice. Probably. Might be a killer, it's always the quiet ones.  Supports Liverpool.

Don't laugh.

Appearances: 10, Goals: 0

Derek

Wilson

Small, fast, terrific beard. He is nice. Practices free kicks in his back garden into wheelie bins.

Goal of the Season winner 2014/2015.

(He meant it, honest)

Appearances: 45, Goals: 4

Gordon

Wallace

Singer, American Footballer, Functioning Alcoholic, Left Back and Treasurer. There’s nothing this baby-faced seed cant do.

Appearances: 22, Goals: 3

Michael

Burt

Well known Example lookalike, leader off and on the pitch, first choice centre half, used to work in hudsons, wears a cardigan well.
Committee Member.

 

Appearances: 37, Goals: 8

Nicky

Donnelly

PT

Appearances: 3, Goals: 0

Dougie

Gunner

Mr. Amateur Football for Scotland in 2011, 2013, 2014 and 2015. Says he's married, we're sceptical. Mostly plays Centre Half, claims to be a Striker. Don't we all. I only put him in the defenders category to annoy him.

Appearances: 41, Goals: 5

Midfielders

Mark

Spalding

Club captain, one of very few left from the original squad, midfield stalwart, fan of cramp, club legend. Committee member. Probably injured.

Appearances: 62, Goals: 15

Craig

Scott

Ginger tower, King of Mini Mass whatever that means, best player in Scotland, I nutmegged him twice in  fives once. Constant Man of the Match, hated playing CB, loves CM.

POTY 2014/2015

Appearances: 53, Goals: 15

Chris

Wright

Like a skinny albino Brock Lesnar, tireless worker in the middle of the park and up front, a new addition to the Milan squad but a great one.

Appearances: 30, Goals: 9

Gregor

Brown

Small and tenacious, great at the football, used to be quite fat apparently, really dark haired like a Greek kinda guy, loves an assist.

Appearances: 33, Goals: 9

Sean

Kelly

Utter spit of Bad News Barrett from the wrestling. Good look. Once got in the ring at a wrestling show and gave his mate a DDT.

Appearances: 32, Goals: 5

Liam

Hickey

Used to be quiet, now quite petulant. Pace and Skill in abundance, Milans greatest winger. Loves a goal too. Also loves Skye Lounge, loses points there. Hung like nobodies business. Always the most MWI at the Miladwaeits.

Appearances: 54, Goals: 15

Kieran

Byrne

LOLGD1M8+1

Appearances: 2, Goals: 0

Terry

Graham

Special fish.

Appearances: 3, Goals: 0

Sean Paul

Gallagher

He's here, he's where, etc, etc

Appearances: 1, Goals: 0

Josh

Kirk

Not James T Kirk

Appearances: 4, Goals: 4

Attackers

David

Chambers

Convict, repeat offender/goalscorer. Biggest arse I've ever seen, both figuratively and literally. Somehow keeps scoring. Baffling. All-time top scorer.

Appearances: 56, Goals: 64

Gary

Noble

Tall and looks a bit like Morph.

Plays in goals and up front. Has scored quite a few and keeps telling me not to include his goalie performances so the ratio is up.

Top Goalscorer 2014/2015

Appearances: 44, Goals: 61

Pete

Coll

Scored all the goals in the early years, diminutive, slippery, skilful, 2x player of the year and all round Milan legend.

Appearances: 54, Goals: 33

Shaun

Macintosh

This used to say he is a good finisher hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahalol Rekt

Appearances: 21, Goals: 10

Andrew Mackenzie

Shagger, Unky shags, loves pints and whiskey in that order. Deceptively nippy. Great eye for both hole and goal.

Appearances: 36, Goals: 4

Fans

Shaun

Vallance

Large man, creator of the ‘Vallance shuffle’, quick witted, quick footed and former East Kilbride gang member. Tanned. Committee member.

Appearances: 21, Goals: 1

Jamie

Moan

Former Gaffer, ex Manager, reffed twice and was terrible, played once, came on at 0-0 and we lost 6-0. Is really good at fives but. Large and formerly in charge.

Appearances: 0, Goals:0

© EK Milan 2015. All rights reserved.

#FeelMilan